


Menagerie

by Petra



Category: Hustle
Genre: Confidence Games, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-25
Updated: 2010-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-14 02:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/144449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petra/pseuds/Petra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The next time Mickey wants to convince some bugger he's a gentleman farmer, he's going to be a gentleman corn farmer, or he's going to have to find himself a new livestock wrangler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Menagerie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [renquise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/renquise/gifts).



Every con you can walk away from without handcuffs is a good one, with or without a profit, though the ones with a profit are better.

And then there are the ones where the rabbits get loose in the caravan before they're on site, hopping all over the place like mohair urine bombs. One of them jumps on Ash's lap and does a poo. Then the chickens start squawking like they're going to take flight.

The next time Mickey wants to convince some bugger he's a gentleman farmer, he's going to be a gentleman corn farmer, or he's going to have to find himself a new livestock wrangler. It's easier to get an office for three hours straight and walk by one hundred receptionists without arousing suspicions than to curse out a long-haired bunny and avoid oncoming traffic down the hawthorn-hedged lanes. The chickens aren't part of the con, exactly, but a good farm should have a few running around.

Ash deposits Fluffy--who needs to be renamed Dampy--on the passenger seat and ignores the squawking in the back. If this all comes together as planned, they'll have two hundred thousand pounds to replace his nasty trousers with. He runs through the covers again, Albie's widower and Mickey's inheritance, come through a chain of events so bizarre they have to be true.

Except that, of course, they're not, and Danny's getting them into the grand mansion by playing estate agent. Any time now, he'll be pulling up to the drive and making sure the place is clear, and if he manages that everything else will fall into place. Probably.

At least Stacie's dressed the part, with her spun rabbit fur jumper and shawl and everything else, though it's got to be too hot for the poor thing, this time of the year. Still, a bunny magnate like Mickey's meant to be can hardly be seen with a woman wearing silk, or worse, cotton.

Ash will be providing local color in his thickest West Country, and he'll smell the part on top of everything else. The right finagling, the right BSE-positive test at the wrong time for the mark, and they'll have everything settled.

He has to get the cow to the right place to run wild for the blow-off, but that should be easy enough. Making it act mad won't be a problem, though the next time somebody's got to peel ginger and stuff it up a cow's arse, it needs to be someone else's job. If Ash can convince Danny that it's key to his development as a first-rate grifter, that will just sweeten the deal.

Ash has told Albie that when he retires, he'll join the circus. He's got the animal-handling skills for it, and he knows how to take a fall like nobody's business.

One of the chickens starts making an even bigger racket. They might even have scrambled eggs to celebrate when there's something to celebrate.

But first, a good hot bath. And rabbit stew.


End file.
